Vegetarian “Conch Fritters” or Jerked “Falafel” or Chickpea Patties

Whatever you call them, these were good.


  • Carrots and/or cauliflower (I found some frozen in my freezer, but you could use fresh – canned might be weird)
  • Chickpeas/garbanzo beans (either 1 can or the equivalent of a can cooked to can consistency)
  • 1-2 cloves of garlic
  • 2-6 tablespoons of flour (enough to make it “pasty”)
  • 1 egg (or egg substitute)
  • Onion (white or yellow, slice off one or two pieces, depending on taste)
  • Coriander (1-3 teaspoons or 5-6 shakes or whatever looks good)
  • Cumin (1-3 teaspoons or 5-6 shakes or whatever)
  • Cilantro (1-3 teaspoons…you get the idea, I don’t measure spices when cooking)
  • (To make them more “conch fritterish” or “jerked” or whatever, toss in some blackened Cajun seasoning, some jerk spices, or something that hints at “FL seafood rub,” “Key West spices,” etc.
  • I may have tossed in some dried jalapeño as well, but it wasn’t that noticeable, so if you have some, try it or don’t…up to you.

The directions called for grating carrots and adding things in some sort of order. I threw in my frozen carrots & cauliflower, the canned garbanzos, the garlic, the onion, and my fake egg (Bob’s Red Mill egg replacer & water) into the food processor and mutilated it until it was like lumpy mashed potatoes. Then I threw in the spices and the first 2 TB of flour. More whirring and squishing. After that, I put it all in a bowl and folded in a bit more flour with a spoon until it was a little thicker than most hummus.

Pour a bit of grape seed/safflower/vegetable oil (just enough to coat the bottom, which means I suppose you could use that weirdo cooking spray stuff if you’re that kind of cook) in the pan and heat it up. Put a dollop or two of paste in the pan and cover for a few minutes until the bottom is cooked enough for flipping. Flip and smash with the back of your spatula until it’s more like a patty (if you don’t, they don’t cook through right.)

How you spice them tends to suggest how you serve them. If you made them more fritter flavored, they’re good with cocktail sauce, if not, try them on a bun with lettuce and tomato or humus or tabouleh or coleslaw… Go nuts.